It’s not just the fact that I’m fat or ugly or that I’m old with lots and lots of gray hair. Those are horrifying enough to make me want to vomit violently, daily.
No the truly scary thing is occasionally I see my mother in the mirror. I see her face. The scowl lines around her mouth. The jowls forming under my jaw. My nose is widening. I’m squinting through my glasses. I see her hairline.
Will I also turn into the cruel hateful bitch she was? Will my mind deteriorate the way hers did? I already have so many mental problems. At least I won’t throw away my children like she did. I won’t favor one over the others. I only have one and I can’t live life with out him. But am I holding him back?
It doesn’t happen often. But every once in a while, I’ll stroll past the bathroom mirror and just for one second I stop breathing…. I see her face.
And it literally scares me to death.